Words Floating In My Head Today......

Before the throne of G0d above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For G0d, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!

One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Chr*st on high,
With Chr*st, my Savior and my G0d
With Chr*st, my Savior and my G0d

A Change In Thinking

Living here has shown me something powerful. All of change requires a new direction first in your thinking. This I have been taught and have believed BUT it is much more evident to me now. All of life here requires a new way of thinking. If you are to change a personal habit you have to first re-evaluate your thinking on that habit. If you are going to change a viewpoint well then obviously you will need to retool your thinking and if you are going to change parts of your way of life...again...a new mindset is necessary.

This has hit me so strongly because all of me has had to change since living here. Not one part or half but ALL of me. My thinking has had to be redirected on so many fronts that at times it is overwhelming. Most of the time though the changes have come gradually and at times even subtly. I will try to explain what I mean by this.

First, lifestyle has had to change tremendously. In reality living in a single family dwelling with two cars, a garage and fenced in back year is far different from apartment living and in this country it takes several steps back as well. Apartment living in America vs. here are like night and day. How that apartment business is handled, money exchanged, and neighborly expectations are all different. Just no comparison at all. SO that has taken me some getting used to. Our home in the states was modest and our means the same but compared to here it seems like we were on overload with money, things and dwelling space. Just a whole different world.

Secondly, we have all had to adjust our opinions. What is clean anyway? The definition of clean here and in the states is extremely different. One would basically call filthy in America what here they would say "all good". There is just a completely different angle on how to view if something is clean and neat. I have visited in homes here where I was shocked at the disarray and lack of cleanliness but in reality it is not a high priority to the people here. Almost every chinese person that has come to my home has commented on how amazingly clean it is. They often want to know why and how. Sometimes the ladies will just not understand why the amount of time was spent on such an activity as mopping the floor, its just going to be dirty tomorrow and its not convenient. Mainly that is because they do not consider it a necessity to spend time on something like that.

Thirdly and most obviously my mind has had to adjust to new words. The reason for this post came because after class today we were talking about our thinking in the language. For the most part I am thinking in Chinese throughout my entire class time. I have seen that shift occur during the course of the last 10 months. Rarely do I think about an English word first when I am speaking. I have also noticed that when I do mundane things around the house I will often think the Chinese word for it in my head first. That comes, I think, from studying and attempting to use the common words everyday as much as possible. Its starting to be the first words I use rather than English first and then translated. I have even had a few Chinese dreams recently....sometimes referred to as a night mare :)

My brain has had to make some adjustments along this journey. IF I am going to be satisfied with my life here I have to redirect my thoughts routinely. I have to remind myself that this way of life is just as acceptable as my ways in the states. My ways and their ways are not "right or wrong" but rather different and both with beneficial reasoning. This is sinking in on some levels and other levels are coming slowly. I think that is where the pressure often lies when you move internationally and attempt to insert yourself into a new culture. You are constantly needing to adjust and reshape your thinking and attitudes and that can be just plain exhausting sometimes. Making a conscious effort to adjust and assimilate takes a great deal of effort and on any given day I can find myself doing it practically all day long. It starts in the morning with mopping my bathroom after my shower and ends with manually heating my water to wash dishes at night and then filling up the water tanks for the next days showers. Hanging my clothes on the balcony to dry was a far cry from my Heavy Duty Extra Large Kenmore Gas Dryer with auto-dry option in the states. All of the norms of life in America are radically different than the norms of life here. I think that, in the end, is the key. What is normal? There is no real answer to that question now is there! It's all in how you think. To live where I do a great deal of change in your thinking must occur. Change never comes easy...ever! It does, however, start with the mind and flows out from there.

Miscommunication

Miscommunication happens a lot in the midst of learning a new language. I have personally had a good number of them along the way and some that I still, perhaps, have no clue about. As I learn usage and grammar I come to realize the mistakes I am making along the way and it can be embarrassing as I look back on how many times I have used a word or phrase incorrectly and have been clueless. I suppose that is what learning is all about but since I am constantly not only learning but using the things I learn I am bound to make mistakes. I would love to carry a sign around my neck that says "dont mind my ignorance in using your language". It is par for the course....you have to make mistakes in order to learn. So far I am learning ALOT. :)

This past week in class my teacher and I came to understand that we were using a certain term THINKING we were saying the same thing (i.e. I was using it based on what I understood the English equivalent to be and she was using it assuming that I completely understood her meaning) however our thinking was totally NOT the same. It was kind of messy actually. It was one of those major learning times for me and for us as teacher/student as well. The issue we were struggling with was the use of "of course". It is used here more as "most certainly" (a positive sense) but in my thinking she was using it as "uhhhh duhh". So I thought she was using it as if to say "oh COURSE that is how you say it you ding bat" and with almost an indignant nature. BUT she was meaning it as "certainly that is how you say it" and the feel for the two words is totally different. I was thinking she was saying it out of mild frustration and she was thinking "definitely" you got it right. SO we had some miscommunication. I was frustrated at her constant use of it as if she was irritated with me and she was trying to figure out what my issue was. She is a fairly non emotive person so her facial expressions and body language did not lend to her meaning at all. Also the Chinese language can sound very harsh and direct because of its tonal nature and so I was totally not getting her drift. I was confused. I finally realized that we were taking passed each other and I needed to get some clarification.

Today we realized that we have several such sayings. We decided to talk through them and re-explain what the other was thinking and meaning in an effort to help each other understand. After we talked through several of these sayings it became apparent we totally did not understand each other on a few fronts. Thankfully she knows that I am often clueless to my lack of clear communication and so she is much more patient. I had to come to the conclusion today that IF I think something negative repeatedly is being said I need to jump on it and explain that to her because it might be that I am not understanding her intent.

THAT was the case today. I was also surprised at a few comments/sayings that she mentioned she thought we were not clear in each others meanings. It was an eye opening conversation. It also reminded me that this can be happening all the time and so I need to be careful with what I say. Others will not be as understanding as she would be. Obviously she knows my level very well and therefore understands what I know and mean much better than most.

So today was good 'learning curve' kind of day. I am so very thankful for this teacher. She has great patience and interest in seeing me succeed in learning this language. She just plain works hard at it. It is not an easy job to teach someone how to speak your own language when you cannot speak theirs. It takes a special effort to do so. She has gone the extra mile to see me progress despite my blunders.

Miscommunication can occur between two people who speak the same language well and so all the more when one of them is learning that language. Sometimes it is funny and others times it can be really bad. Thankfully I am learning in an environment where there is much mercy shown along my learning way. Otherwise I would have been done a long time ago.

For what its worth, (my personal opinion here) if you are going to learn this language and well....you absolutely cannot learn it apart from an environment where you are talking with Chinese people a lot. It just cannot happen. The classroom wont teach you all the ins and outs that you need to know....you have to interact with it on a personal level. It is not a book/cd learned language. It is a person to person "here's how we would say it" kind of language.

Personally...I love it

My Day Came

Yesterday I was walking home and had to stop and pick up some fruit. There are always farmers selling their vegetables and fruit on the side of the road. There is one particular road that I walk on that always has a bunch of farmers lining the road with everything from vegetables and fruits to glassware, live chickens and even geese. They have such a good variety that I like going there to pick up the things I need because I can get it all in one shot. They park about 2 blocks away from my house.

Yesterday was really cold out. I was walking home and stopped on this section of the road to pick up some oranges (the best oranges I have ever had in my life FWIW). I decided to get a bunch of the oranges because we all love eating them at night. I also needed some other things so my bags started getting full. The lady that sold me the oranges noticed I was carrying it all myself along with my book back so she offered to give me a ride home on her motorcycle. She was really excited to help me out and so I took her up on the deal.

Before hopping on I asked her if she could drive well. She laughed really hard and told me that she was a much better driver than any of the men. :) My kind of girl thats for sure! As I hopped on the motorcycle we had a crowd of people watching. Two crazy women out for a ride.

She not only buzzed me home fast but she offered to give me a ride home anytime I buy my produce from her. I told her that I most definitely will be back. She was indeed a good driver and we laughed all the way to my apartment. If your produce store doesn't deliver to your home the next best thing is if they will deliver YOU home. I think I found me a new friend! :)

My Very Interesting Evening

On Wednesday nights I tutor an 8 year old boy. His parents live in America and he lives here in china with his cousin who is his caretaker. This is a common occurrence here. He is bright and his English is incredible. I work with him on reading and pronunciation mostly. I have enjoyed getting to know him and his cousin. His cousin (a 26 year old woman) does not speak English at all so I communicate with her only in Chinese. This has been great for me because it has required me to interact spontaneously in Chinese. I like the practice and she is helpful as long as I remind her to slow down in her talking.

Tonight when I went to the boys house to teach him an elderly man answered the door. I asked him in Chinese if he spoke English and he said no. SO I continued on in Chinese asking if the boy was home and etc. He said he was on his way home but they were delayed. He invited me in to sit and drink some tea. We chatted for about 40 minutes. It was perhaps one of the most enjoyable evenings I have had since living here. He was a very interesting guy.

First off he made me some tea. I went with him into the kitchen and we talked while the water was heating up. He asked me all kinds of questions that were very random but which of course let to other questions. He has visited America once and was able to say "Good morning" and "thank you very much" in English. :) He was very proud he actually remembered that. He asked me about my life in America and also about my feelings regarding life here. He told me a lot about our city and its history. It was very interesting stuff. Even more exciting for me was that I understood him. As soon as I realized we were going to be having an extended chat I pulled my electronic dictionary out of my bag. I figured I would be needing to look some things up. He asked me to show it to him and when I did he was amazed because he had never seen one before. I asked him about his daughter and her business and many other random questions. It was an absolute joy. There was one thing though that caught me way off guard and what made this evening so unique for me.

After talking about 30 minutes or so he asked me if he could pass along some advice to me. I told him I would be happy to hear what he had to say. He said after talking with me he had determined that my spoken Chinese was excellent. He also had determined that I was trying to broaden my vocabulary and at times he sensed that I was hesitant to use the higher level word and would shift back down to the easier/simpler words. I sat there listening and all the while thinking...WHO IS THIS GUY? I was suprised at what he said. He asked me about my written chinese and so I pulled my notebook out of my bag and showed him what I had been working on. He immediately commented on my usage of one particular stroke....it was then that it hit me......I bet he was a teacher!?

I asked him if I could ask him a question and he gave me a generous smile and said "most definitely". I asked him what he did when he was working (he had already told me he was retired but did not say from what occupation). He laughed a little, hesitated and then very humbly replied that he was the former Chairman of the Chinese Department at our main university in our city. He taught Chinese for years and retired from that position. IF I had known that at the onset of the conversation I would have definitely been very nervous because my Chinese is a work in progress.....a verrry slow work in progress. I admitted that to him and he told me that he did not want to tell me he was a Chinese teacher because he was afraid I would stop talking. He said it was a pleasure for him to hear a foreigner speak his language. He had only heard one other foreigner speak Chinese, and that was years ago.

He gave me some excellent advice regarding my chinese and also was an incredible encouragement to me to keep going. He mentioned that he could hear my teachers strong influence in my speaking with my sounds. He asked me for my phone number and if I and my family would come to his home for a meal. As we parted ways tonight he gave me some advice. He simply said, keep reviewing your vocabulary and dont be afraid to use it just like you did tonight. He reminded me that he clearly understood me and that we were able to have "genuine" communication, which after all is the main goal. As he put on his coat he shook my hand and reminded me that I should continue to study and learn because after all the way to a Chinese persons heart is to speak to their heart with their own words.

I was disappointed that our time together came to an end. I was thankful for the thoughtful evaluation from a master of this language. It was one seriously enjoyable time for me!

Today is THE Day!

Today was THE big day over here. It was the official "flip the heat switch on " day. When we first arrived here I was very surprised to find out that our heat is turned on the same day all over town at the same time. The gov't determines the day...not the weather or you....the gov't. SO today was the day and so now our house is toasty warm...I have the windows open though because it is not all the cold out. We've had a few cold mornings but so far nothing too cold.

This morning I woke up and was just laying in bed listening for Hal to get out of the shower. When he came out he said "hey, the heat came on last night" and I am not sure why but I popped up out of bed all surprised. (just so you know I never "pop" out of bed...ever) We were not expecting it until its typical 'flip on' date of the 15th. For some odd reason that got me all excited. I have always thought it was kind of a funsy thing to hit that official heat turning on day....it tells me that it is officially moving to winter. Time for hot chocolate, snuggly blankets and sweaters again. We dont get as cold here as back home in Michigan.....but we can sure get some gusty wind off the yellow sea that is just outside my window!

So....the big day was today! Now I get to put my socks on the radiator to dry and I put the drying racks close to the radiators at night so things will be nice and dry when I wake up in the morning. Its life's little pleasures I am telling ya. Dont forget to celebrate the small stuff, thats my motto.

On a side note.....our heating bill here is all paid as one flat fee and for the full 5 months up front. NO monthly bills based on usage and etc. It is one of the benefits of gov't run heating.....you go to the bank, give them money based on the square meters of your house and thats that....cash on the barrel head and you have heat for the winter. And let me just tell you it is a fraction of the cost of heating a house in the states!

Happy Flip the Heat on Day to All!

Switch Up Post

I decided I wanted to put up another post just to clear the post from yesterday off the top of my page. It was my rantings over a bad day. That day is done, and today is coming to an end. The landlord talked with my friend and apologized for the poor interaction and wanted to be sure our relationship was resolved. She did not want us to consider her an angry person. Thankfully it is all resolved. The result of all of the goings on was that I came to the realization how difficult it is to change over my American mindset sometimes. I have alot of American blood pumping through my veins and American ways floating in my head. It takes time to accept the reality that these types of interruptions are just to be expected....and moved on from.

SO moving on to the next topic.....food. I just wanted to say how very much I have been missing Taco Bell lately. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. For some reason I love that stuff. When I was a kid my dad would often work late into the evenings. We would all be ready for bed or even IN bed when he came home. Sometimes he would come home so late that he would just stop by Taco Bell on his way home from work and grab a few taco's and eat them. I recall sitting on the couch next to him in my pajama's and wet hair from my bath and talking to him while he ate his Taco Bell. I remember distinctly thinking I cannot wait to grow up so that I can eat Taco Bell at 8:30 at night. In fact I can even go and get my own whenever I want because I will be able to drive myself there.

Ok....so I am all grown up now.....what happened? Shouldn't I be able to get me some Taco Bell now? Isn't that what being all grown up means? Anybody want to move to china and open up a Taco Bell near me? I promise I would be a loyal customer.....you dont have to have a drive through....you can have a bike through. :)


ENjoy your Taco's dad!